Refocusing Love

Valentine's Day. Easily stated, one of my least favorite holidays. There are many reasons why I don't like this holiday. Just to list a few:
  • It reminds me that I'm single. Which then reminds me of all the feelings that come with singleness. Which I am sure are not exclusive to me. I feel as though I will never find someone that "completes" me. I fear that God desires me to be single my whole life. I ache at the idea of never having a family. I question if its me, am I unable of being loved? Is it my personality? Is it because I'm selfish? Is it because I'm moody? What is it? It's a time in my life where my friends are starting to get married, where people are starting to have babies, etc. An every day reminder of something that has worried me for a long time. 
  • People think that Valentine's Day is a day to remember that we love someone. A day to spend money and time so they know that they are appreciated. What bothers me, is why does it take a holiday to remember this? Why don't we show people we love them everyday. At least to me, gifts and extravagant dates are not what would make me feel most loved, but rather the selfless acts of every day life.
  • I always feel sad and lonely. The majority of my friends are out having an exciting day with their significant other, while the single people stay back watching sappy movies and stuffing their faces with chocolate.
I know these things sound silly. But as I spoke in a previous post, I want to be transparent. So I want to share how I feel when it comes to "love."
I am a worrier. I always have been. I worry about my future. I worry about marriage and a family not being a part of that future. I worry about all of the things a young, single adult woman worries about. I don't feel embarrassed to say these things, because it's a very real aspect of my thought process.
     However, this Valentine's Day I realized something. I have a very wrong view of love. God has taught me a whole lot about love over the past two years. I have learned the importance of loving others, the greatness of God's love, and that I need to love who God has made me to be. But, when it comes to an actual love life with another person, I have kind of set that idea on the back burner. A friend reminded me of something this morning. God has given me the capacity to love. Of course I have thought about this in the sense that I can love others, but I began to think about it in a different way. Not only do I have the capacity to love others, but I have the capacity to love God.
     A significant theme in my devotions lately has been that I need to make Christ my biggest desire. One particular verse really struck me. Psalm 37:4 says this: "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." I think that this verse is always taken out of context in that many think that if we delight in God then He will give us all the things that we want. In a sense this is true, but I think it's true in a different way than we think. We, as humans, were made with one purpose. To know and love God. So if that is true, shouldn't the one desire of our hearts be Christ? As I began to think of it in this sense, I realized that when I delight myself in Him, with my one desire being to know Him, then He truly will give me the desires of my heart; revealing Himself to me, guidance and boldness to share about Him, and the capacity to love like Him. Wow, what an incredible promise.
    The thought of intimacy is something that always accompanies love and desire. As I read through my Bible and devotional this morning, God painted a beautiful picture of intimacy. Although the word intimacy in worldly eyes usually brings about the idea of sex, intimacy actually means: "a close familiarity or friendship; closeness; togetherness."  Isaiah 41:13 says: "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." This verse is the most beautiful picture of intimacy to me. Intimate closeness and togetherness to me means trust, it means comfort, it means peace. That is exactly what this verse is saying. A human act of closeness and togetherness is holding hands. God is saying that He is right here, holding my hand, I don't have to be afraid or worry about loneliness. Nothing can separate me from His love and friendship. How beautiful is that?
     As I was considering this idea of intimacy, I was thinking of the vastness of Christ's love for me, when the song Lead Me started to play on my Pandora station. The song is a perfect reflection of the relationship between me and God's love.
  • Savior I come
    Quiet my soul remember
    Redemption's hill
    Where Your blood was spilled
    For my ransom
    Everything I once held dear
    I count it all as lost

    Lead me to the cross
    Where Your love poured out
    Bring me to my knees
    Lord I lay me down
    Rid me of myself
    I belong to You
    Lead me, lead me to the cross

    You were as I
    Tempted and trialed
    Human
    The word became flesh
    Bore my sin and death
    Now you're risen

    Everything I once held dear
    I count it all as lost
    Lead me to your heart
That is my desire that Christ leads me to His heart, to understand the way in which He loves me, so that I can love others with the same sacrificial love. This of course lead me to think of the "love chapter," 1 Corinthians 13. So I read it in my NKJV and in The Message. This is what I learned:
  • Action without the truth of Christ and His love means nothing. (vs 1-3)
  • Love: suffers, is not provoked to anger, is humble and selfless, has no evil thoughts, does not rejoice (or even accept) sin, rejoices in truth, bears all things (burdens), believes the best in all things, has hope in all things, and endures all things. 
  • Love never fails. Even though the earthly aspects of love will (because this is only part of love), one day the parts of love we have on earth will become perfect and complete in the perfect understanding and fulfillment one day found in Christ. To better understand this idea, vs 12-13 says: "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.  And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I love what my commentary reads on this: "The mirror is the Word of God, which can give us only partial understanding of God. This will all change when we see Him face to face. Faith enables us to come to God, but love enables us to imitate Him." 
   I want to desire Him, I want to imitate Him, I want to be consumed with love for Him. I have realized that I need to refocus love to be wholly for Him. I want my intimacy to be for Christ alone. I've also come to realize that it's okay to still desire a man, marriage, and family. God cares about my hearts desires. Asking him for these things is not wrong whatsoever. However, I think in order to pray for the kind of husband that I desire, I must also be preparing myself to be the kind of wife that this kind of man would also desire. My focus needs to be on love, but not earthly love, rather, heavenly love. I want my greatest love to be Christ, and to love with a 1 Corinthians 13 love. A quote that I love says this: "I want my my love for God to come alive so that my heart dances at the very thought of Him." I want to be so in love with Christ that I literally feel butterflies knowing how much He loves me. 
     This Valentine's Day, God has refocused my idea of love. It is no longer about loneliness, I have intimacy with Christ! It's no longer about finding a husband, but rather becoming the wife worthy of a Godly man. It is good to talk to God about my desires, so I will now pray that if it's God's will, He would bless me with a husband that is consumed in love for Christ and loves with a 1 Corinthians 13 love. I pray that every Valentine's Day is now a reminder of true love, what Christ has done for me. May Valentine's Day remind you to refocus your love.

Two great songs to listen to this Valentine's Day:  
Jesus Love Me by Chris Tomlin 
How Can It Be by Lauren Daigle 



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