Spoiled Clay and Empty Pie Crust

"Arise, and go down to the potter's house, and there I will let you hear my words." So I went down to the potter's house, and there he was working at his wheel. And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do. Then the word of the LORD came to me: 'O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter has done? declares the LORD. Behold, like the clay in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." ~Jeremiah 18:2-6

       The Past and the Pitcher

The Bible study is off and running. Last night we gathered together and reflected on Chapter one of Mended.  The chapter begins with the above verses, which struck me before I even read the first word of the chapter. One line in particular stuck out to me: "And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do." When scripture catches my attention, I always reference my study Bible and other versions of the Bible. I was interested in the word spoiled. Of course I know what the word means, but what does it really mean? I love what my study Bible commentary had to say about the word spoiled: "The potter's vessel was marred  and thus unsuitable for its intended purpose." And further more, it spoke of how the people had become marred and defiled and were in need of being reformed into a vessel fit to be identified with the Lord. Wow, I am pretty sure that this section of scripture was written about my vessel. I also like how the Message paraphrases the scripture: "Up on your feet! Go to the potter's house.. When you get there, I'll tell you what I have to say." So I went to the potter's house, and sure enough, the potter was there, working away at his wheel. Whenever the pot the potter was working on turned out badly, as sometimes happens when you are working with clay, the potter would simply start over and use the same clay to make another pot." 

 I love this analogy because it is so true of my life. My life is the clay, full of marred, spoiled, sinful, junk. This clay is not suitable for it's intended purpose (glorifying God) in this state. It needs reformed, and don't forget this happens a lot when you're working with clay(sin). But great news! The potter (God) faithfully reuses this seemingly useless clay and forms it into something beautiful and good in His eyes. How cool is that? I think God could teach me a few lessons on recycling, He's great at reusing old and broken things and making them new and even better than before.

     Throughout the chapter, Angie answers two questions that she asked herself. As I read her responses, I decided to answer the questions myself. The first question was this: 

"What was my first image of Jesus?"

• "He was the filling to the pie." I know that sounds goofy, but my first experience of Jesus is much like a pie. There are two main parts to a pie: the crust(shell) and the filling(fruit). Before I continue with my pie analogy, I want to take it back to May 11th, 2001. I was a five year old little girl, full of personality and curiosity. I don't remember very much from my childhood, but I vividly remember this day. I remember that I had been feeling "strange" for quite awhile. I had this empty feeling inside of me, but I knew that it had nothing to do with hunger, at least not physical hunger. I remember asking my mom about it and she explained what was missing: Jesus. I knew of Jesus, I knew that He loved me, He could walk on water, and He could make dead people come back to life. But other than the stories from my picture Bible and my Sunday school teacher, I didn't know much. I remember accepting Jesus to be real and that I believed He could forgive me for the bad things that I did. I remember my mom helped me to talk to God and tell him all of those thing. When I finished praying, I was crying. I asked my mom why I was crying, she responded with; "honey, I think you're just happy." She was exactly right, I was happy. And I realized something, the strange "empty" feeling was gone! I know that I didn't understand the extent of what was happening, but it was my first experiencing of beginning to understand Jesus. Before expressing my belief, I was simply the crust to the pie, a shell that was empty, missing it's filling. I knew that Jesus was what I needed to complete my pie. I knew that he made my life fuller and more fruitful. I was a five year old girl whose concept of Christ was that He was the "tasty" stuff that made me happy when I was sad. A simple analogy, yet filled with so much truth. 

The second question Angie addressed was this:
"What events shaped my life to be what it is now?"

• I think that my first encounter with Jesus was the beginning of my questioning and the base of where everything began. As I reflect on my life, I realize how much God used different circumstances to mold me into the pitcher that I am today. Broken, but continually being remade. 
• The first thing that really began to make me question my faith was cancer. When I was 13, God took a beautiful life from earth to heaven. A teammate and friend suffered cancer and later was taken to be with Jesus. This was something I did not understand, not in the least bit. I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused. I had questions, so many questions. I remember sobbing and even screaming into my pillow the night I heard of her passing. "WHY GOD?" "WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THE SWEETEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I KNOW?" "WHY CANCER?" "WHY DEATH?" "WHY, WHY, WHY?" These questions, and so many more, came rushing from the core of my anger and confusion. This was the beginning of my real search for the truths of God and His Word. 
• I began to dig into the Bible and really question some of the things that pained me every day. I became closer to understanding what a relationship with God was, but I was still so lost. My faith continued to be confined to the cardboard box of Christianity. I was confined into a small square of what Christianity was supposed to be, in need of being cut open, to see that there is so much more beyond that box. 
• The most impact in my search came later on. My niece was diagnosed with a rare and fatal genetic disorder. I knew time on earth with her was short. My nephew was then born and diagnosed with the same condition. More anger, confusion, and questions. This is when I really began to dig deeper. It was the beginning of a real relationship with Christ. He was no longer just "God," He was now my Daddy, my Comfort, my Hope, and most of all, my Peace.
• Within a few short years, God took my niece and nephew to be with Him in heaven. I knew that God was good, but I had never known pain this deeply. I hurt beyond the words to describe it; I still do. But amidst the pain, the most broken time in my life, is when I began to see Jesus outside of a cardboard box. I saw Him for the infinitely incredible God that He is. The Potter began to mold my pitcher to be more than just a cracked base. 
• Now, a college student, still broken, I continue to be smashed and remolded. I see every day how God is continuing to shape my life. 

My life is nothing more than a broken pitcher, but every shattered piece is part of the story that God is putting together. I am mended. I am filled with the Spirit, and He is asking me to pour myself out. If it wasn't for the cracks, He couldn't seep out the way that He does. He chose the pitcher, He chose me, just the way I am. It's never too late for Christ to sculpt me into something beautiful. (Important points from the end of the chapter.)

     At the very end of the chapter, Angie suggests that you write down one specific word, thought, or prayer that came to mind while reading the chapter, and to continue to do this with each chapter. The word that came to mind for me was SEEP. My prayer is that God seeps His love through the broken, spoiled, marred, gaping holes of my vessel.

    Lyrics to a song that came on while I was reading are so fitting:

"I want more of You,

and less of me. 

Empty me. 

Won't you fill me with more of You."