Light Breaks In

 I am only responsible for me.

But what do I do with me when I don't like me? When insecurity breaks in? When discontent follows on it's tail? When jealousy, anger, and shame slam the door behind them? 

How do I deal with the mess of me enough to live an abundant and expectant life? 

"God hasn't changed. So what has?"

It has to be me then. There is something better than the entanglement of this mess. There's something more. It has always been there. A freedom unchanged. A lighter way waiting to be let in. The Light manifested in this place. It's holy here. 

When we let Light enter our space, it is always holy ground. 

Imagine seeing it all through the lens of Holy. We can. Even when it's messy. Even when we don't even like looking at it at all. It begins in the seeing. We can expect something different if we don't cultivate it. I haven't been cultivating, and I'm having a tough time seeing. 

"Expectancy is a type of hope. Hope deferred makes the heart sick." 

The symptoms make their appearance: insecurity, discontent, jealousy, anger, shame. Nasty weeds in this messy space. They'll take root if we don't cultivate the ground here. If we don't let the Light in to make it all holy again. 

I have to show up first. Pull the weeds and ask God to water the ground. Turn it over. Make it holy. I have to put on the lens of Light and expect to see. 

"Shouldn't I always expect God to do? Because God has always done."

Expectancy here, this week, looks like:

Quiet. Turning off distractions and listening. Looking for the Light in this place. 

Showing up to His presence. My alarm set 15 minutes earlier and asking God to meet me there - on my knees in the early morning glow of my bedroom. 

Reminding myself of who God is. Battling the thoughts that tell me He's changed. Recounting His faithfulness. Remembering my identity. I am new. The Light is within me. 

"The atmosphere of expectancy is the breeding ground of miracles."

 Sometimes the miracle is letting the Light come in when it comes knocking on the door. It makes the dark spaces inside small. It makes holy space. The Miracle himself is present.