Softness

 It’s been far too long since my pen has found the page and my fingers the keys. The days are long and yet time moves with such speed. My days are full - chasing a waddling toddler, soaking in slow snuggles, endless snacks and tidying, caring for others’ sick little ones, tending teething tears through the night, and catching small pockets of rest when able. 

Our baby girl came into the world in 2024, and here I am at the start of 2026. I blinked. There’s a lot of life between that little gap, too much to fill in with the little time I find for myself today. During my pregnancy, we prayed for this little girl. Micah Joy - her name means “who is like the Lord.” She was born in a week held with grief, when 5 years prior, heaven gained my Dad. We prayed that our child would know the joy of the Lord. That her presence would fill others with hope and their lives with beauty and joy. Oh how the Lord has answered those prayers. If you know Micah, you know joy. She beams with it. How great a gift that contrasts life’s sorrow. I thank God for her. 

I became a mama, Josh became dada. Our world became captured by this tiny person. We aren’t the same people we were before our little family grew. With the beautiful changes, has come growth and wrestling through what it looks like to love new versions of your person. Marriage has changed. Challenges have amplified. Trust has deepened. How grateful I am for a man who doesn’t walk away when life is difficult. We may take longer routes at times, but it always leads back to one another. I thank God for him. 

With my life consumed in our little world, I am learning how desperately I need pockets of rest. Not as an escape, but as a renewing of sorts. I can’t be the wife and mama I desire when I don’t have space to be recharged. It’s such a fine balance - the guilt of needing refuge and the beauty of finding it. Motherhood is a push and pull. It finds me in a mirror of all of my faults and short-comings. Yet, there is found a greater grace and a beautiful remaking. I’m grateful for the refining. As I consider this coming year, I don’t have lofty goals, I just find a word on my heart: softness. 

Kinder words. More understanding. Gentle responses. Grace. Thoughtfulness. Peace in our home. Forgiveness. Openness. Love. Slowness. Simplicity. 

May my heart be changed in the softness of these things. 

“Above all else, guard your heart in all diligence, for from it flows springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23