Painting the Answer

"I know now, LORD, why You utter no answer. You are Yourself the answer." -C.S. Lewis 

The answer sometimes comes like the wind- instantly lifting the veil that blinds my eyes to the truth right before them. Other times I search. I climb mountains to simply slide down the other side. I run through the valleys to arrive at a river where I must paddle the current. I call through the wind and I reach through the waves, yet, I find no answer. The past few months of my life have been just that. A painting that I could not have created in my wildest imagination- full of mountains and valleys, rivers and invisible winds. The painting captures a season of life. I could not begin to imagine it's beauty while the colors were still being mixed, but now I stand in awe of the Artist's handiwork. The painting itself is not the answer to the beautiful destination found within this difficult journey- rather the Creator of the season. 

I have completed fall semester of my Junior year at Waynesburg University. I have experienced pain and heartache, doubt and worry, confusion and chaos- and I searched for answers through each feeling that overwhelmed me. What I found? Not situational answers to emotions or circumstances, rather, THE answer that covers my past, present, and future. Jesus Himself was and is the answer. I would like to say that this answer came like the wind, but this time it was a search. However, through that journey I found joy. Having joy does not mean always feeling happy, and there where many days where I felt great distance from happiness, but it is a constant peace laid on my heart by the truth of who Christ is in my circumstances and life. If I could sum up this semester in one verse it would be 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10: 

"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  

I spent countless days in solitude- crying out to the Father in helplessness. I did not know how to respond to various situations that arose. I did not know how to lead others or to love well. I felt incapable in the places God had called me to be. I was weak. I did not have the strength to bear burdens. I did not have the strength to stand in front of others and proclaim the truth of Christ, when my heart struggled to truly believe His promises. I did not have the strength to love others, when I myself felt worn and beaten down by the weight of this world.

BUT GOD.

Two words that have echoed in my mind and on my heart over and over and over again throughout the past year. What defines the journey I have been on is not my struggling, rather, it is the redemptive story that these two words proclaim. BUT GOD. This proclaims grace and hope. It proclaims the power of Christ. It proclaims that I am forgiven and made new- that my weakness, that is not what defines me. It proclaims that I can find JOY. It proclaims that I can not only share my weakness, but I can boast about it. I can shout from the top of a mountain, the lowest of the valleys, or when my head is underwater that GOD IS GOOD. It is my weakness that the Artist's strength is proclaimed. The best part is that my story does not end here. This may be the last paint stroke to this season, but the product is not finished. God did not create my heart to end at redemption. Salvation is the beginning of my story. It is a beginning of this beautiful pursuit to understand the Artist who so delicately paints every detail of my life. 

LET GOD. 

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And LET the peace of GOD rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. LET the word of CHRIST dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. and whatever you do in word, or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."  

Colossians 3:12-17 declares where redemption leads me. It teaches me to LET GOD dwell (find home) in my heart. To declare His artwork to the world. What use is a beautiful painting if left in a closet? The Artist calls me to hang the painting on the wall and to describe each detail to those gazing upon it. Each color blends together His grace and love- leaving a rainbow behind the paintbrush He uses to paint my life. I may not be able to share each seasons paintings, but when I let Him lead me into opportunities to describe even one tiny paint stroke, His heart rejoices. The most beautiful creations come from the greatest adventures. My heart bursts with joy and excitement knowing that my journey is not over. The Creator is constantly guiding me to new adventures, all the while standing next to me with a paintbrush, blending my difficulty with His grace- capturing indescribable beauty within difficulty. This is the answer I searched for at the top of the mountain and the bottom of the valley- the One who was painting the scene as I ran.

Art is meant to be shared- your story is important and beautiful. I would love to hear it. Or maybe you haven't yet met the artist, but it's something you would like to hear more about. I would love to talk about it. I will always make myself available. (And I really love coffee dates or talking on the phone during my long drives to and from school). My phone number is 724-710-1797. Don't hesitate to reach out.