Hard & Holy

Some days it feels like all that is hard has swallowed me whole. I know what is hard can come through as holy, if I let it. If I digest it and piece it back together with great care and attention. The kind that the Father gives. His hands are the only holy and sacred place that heal. Ashes to beauty, he says. He does. Tears to laughter. Mourning to dancing. Suffering to joy. Broken jars to mended and purposeful vessels. Light breaking through the dark. 

We’re afraid to come to light. We’re afraid of our own humanity. But the hard can’t come to be the holy if we can’t name it. If we don’t name it. God’s spirit moved today - from the pulpit straight to the pew that was holding my dark places close. He said: 

If we don’t bring our dark places into the light, that’s not true repentance, that’s sin management. 

                                    Oof.

There’s a lot of me that’s trying to manage. Thank God, He’s the One who sees. Who calls me toward the light. Again. 

Our pastor recently challenged us to be vocal with our dark places. Part of bringing to light is confession and accountability. Humility. But not false humility. Not one that glorifies suffering or makes our sins the worst and the most tragic in order to bring attention to ourselves. But one that bows at the feet of Jesus and then stands back up in victory over and over. Vulnerability that leads to genuine accountability. A willingness to surrender and a joy that counters shame, proclaiming, truly God’s grace is enough. 

I don’t want my life to just look like a highlight reel. But I don’t want it to be stuck in the dark either. There’s a lot that’s just between me and the Lord. And that’s okay. But I want you to know that there’s space here. That it’s okay for it to feel dark and hard. But the light and the holy - there’s room here for them too. Suffering and joy can live synonymously, I’m learning. But there has to be surrender. No more staying in the dark and just managing. God has so much more for us than that. 

My dark places feel like:

•shame

•anger

•insecurity

•false identities

•resentment 

•sadness 

The Light is turning me toward:

•grace

•gentleness

•being loved 

•being known 

•forgiveness 

•gratitude 

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare praise of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” -1 Peter 2:9